You Are Not Alone.

     “When the funeral and luncheon are over, and after out-of-town guests have gone home, a new life begins – a life without the person who has died. Many people spend the first hours, days or even weeks after a death in a state of shock, feeling only numb and even confused about how life is different now. Thinking about leaving the past and moving to a future without our loved one actively within our lives can be a very painful and frightening idea, and the feelings of pain will usually begin to surface at this time.
     Pain comes in different ways for different people. Some feel frustrated or angry at being cheated out of more time together. Some will feel afraid and paralyzed to move forward. Some will feel guilty that they didn’t do enough or are somehow responsible for the death. Others simply feel an overwhelming sadness and yearning for a return to the past. And others might be relieved and feel guilty about that.”                 --Erika B. Nelson, BA, BS, MSW

     “From my own experience with loss as well as the thousands of grieving people I have worked with over the years, I have learned if we are to heal, we cannot skirt the outside edges of our grief. Instead, we must journey through it, sometimes meandering the side roads, sometimes plowing directly into its raw center.”
                                                       -Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, The Center of Loss and Life Transition

     The pain Erika Nelson describes above is grief and it will come. If grief is not openly expressed – what we call mourning – it will wait and reappear as something else like depression. Our society avoids death and so we avoid grief. We are given a three-day bereavement leave and then we’re expected back to work as if we were off having a root canal. We find ourselves instead on a journey that nobody has given us directions.

     When my mother died, I was told by her Hospice nurse that my body would need time to adjust to the loss. I thought it would be my mind making the adjustment. This was the first clue I learned about the grief journey I would take over the next two years.

     Later in mortuary school I learned there were milestones or stages to this journey. I also discovered an abundance of grief support materials available IF YOU KNEW WHERE TO FIND THEM. Many are published by small houses and not sold in the major bookstores. Besides, grieving people do not have the energy to seek them out. For that reason, we offer some links below that might be helpful.

     The Lee-Ellena Funeral Home is also building a library of grief materials that we would be happy to lend you or order for you. Providing care and support for our families beyond arranging the funeral is the other half of what we do, of why we exist.

     We are so fortunate to have Laurie Orlando, a licensed counselor, with extensive experience in hospice and grief counseling, on our staff. Ms. Orlando will meet our families during visitation to let them know they are not alone. She will continue to stay in touch with them, answer their questions, offer individual counseling or grief support groups, coordinate and provide referrals to other community resources.
     Laurie Orlando is also an attorney, specializing in estate planning and probate. She is available for a free, no-obligation consultation to answer your questions regarding the steps you must take to legally secure and gain access to assets following a death, including whether probate is required.

     So, remember, you are not alone. Whether we served your family or not, we are always available to help you on this journey. Death ends a life but not a relationship. Your loved one lives in your heart, in memory and is always available to you for the rest of your life.                                                                                                     -- Sarah Lee-Ellena